Behind the successes, my internal beliefs had created havoc. By the age of thirty seven, I had almost destroyed everything that had any meaning in my life. Many a good job had been lost and relationships had become irrecoverable. Life had been a messy path of motor accidents, emotional pain, regret and guilt. My children were repeatedly let down by unfulfilled promises; the party and drinking buddies taking priority, or the lonely death defying hangovers standing in the way of my responsibilities. To think back now, as a father of two, I was having black out’s, having no recall how I drove home. I would binge for days and then hibernate in shame and guilt for days or sometimes weeks, behaving like the dysfunctional introvert that I was.